2010

Time
Oct. 2010

This insight has been a year in the making. I do the best of my ability to live in what I say. Believing in what I’m doing, and demonstrating by example that things are possible. I don’t have the mentality of, do what I say and not as I do. I would not ask anyone to do anything I have not already done, or would not do myself.

About a year and a half ago or so. I am not sure if I had heard or read this phrase. One year from now, how will you remember today? Or will today run together like all the rest. For me that was so profound. That really made me think. I’ve learned there are two things people do in life. Either you cut bait (preparing), or you fish (executing what you’ve prepared). Yes, you can fish without bait. Yet, how successful will that be long term? You can say, I feel I’m ready. Feeling ready, is totally different than being (than having the confidence and the capability that you‘re) ready!

I thought I was ready, I thought I could handle what I wanted to do in the near and distant future. Thinking yes, I needed a bit of polishing, but nothing major. Someone mentioned Toastmasters to me. I immediately dismissed their suggestion. Thinking that wasn’t for me. That was a year ago. I asked again a year later. I asked someone whom I trusted there opinion. In my inner circle, the person I trust. I asked them, what would be the best fit for what I want to accomplish. Again the name was mentioned again, Toastmasters. That really got me thinking. Is this a sign? I did my scouting and reading about what they were all about. I called the president of one local chapter. Introduced myself saying, telling him I wanted to come and see what things were all about. He said, come on by. I thought to myself. I have been talking about size acceptance and positive awareness for a number of years. I have my own website, I could probably teach them a thing or two.

When I got to the meeting, everyone was so nice, warm and welcoming. When they had asked me to stand up to (simply) introduce myself? I froze like a deer in the headlights. I didn’t know what to say. My brain just shut off, all I heard was a low grade hum in my ears. I then knew I was not even close to being prepared or ready for what I wanted to do. What struck me the most was, there was no snickering or people whispering to each other. That in its self made me feel so much better, even though I flopped and landed right on my face. So any feelings of being cocky, arrogant, or even thinking I could teach them a thing or two. That went right out the window and flew south, never to been from again. After my first meeting, I knew I was in the right place, at the right time, but more importantly? I knew I was with the right people. I joined Toastmasters International, right there that night, right on the spot (in late Oct. 2009). I didn’t realize I was so thirsty for knowledge. With every fiber of my being, this was going to be a great experience, and journey I was about to encounter.

I had requested my very first public speech. When happen to be the first week of November. Only a couple of weeks after I joined. I was nervous and excited at the same time (to be expected). I worked in it so much. When the day came? I was a bundle of nerves. Right before they called my name up? I said to myself. Here we go, can’t turn around or back down now! Here we go, then my name was called, I walked up to the front of the room, and when I turned around? I froze like a scared little wet Chihuahua. Seeing all those people staring at me the way they were, I just locked up. I took a deep breathe and away I went. Hearing my voice quiver as I spoke. Being grateful I’d written my notes down. Realizing I wasn’t ready at all. Thinking my readiness was only an illusion.

Since that day, I have made it my personal goal to learn as much as I could. Becoming the best I could be. I attacked my future speeches like a force of a hurricane. I dedicated as much time towards my speeches as I could. Taking every opportunity I could to practice. I took my evaluations seriously and consciously making the changes necessary. I have learned so much in the short time since I joined. What I enjoy the most? You can go at your own pace. You can do the steps or the program at your own speed.

Toastmasters recommends doing a speech every 4-6 weeks on average. I personally did a speech just about every 2 weeks. With the support, leadership, help and understanding of my club. They allowed me to go at my own pace and accomplish so much within my first year. Without them I could not be where I am today. I have literally learned so much not only about myself, but also how to effectively be a better listener, and more of a precise communicator.

What I’m demonstrating in this insight. Go for what you want. Don’t be afraid or intimidated from a little hard work. I’ve learned, when you truly desire something? You will find a way to get it. I found what I wanted. I investigated, sought out seeing if it would be a good fit for me? Made my decision, then followed through with the confidence I knew I was going to have.

The most important thing I’ve learned about this past year. There’s a force of nature that can not be bargained with. A continuous intangible immovable object who stops for no one. It can’t be negotiated to bend at your will or wants. Doesn’t discriminate over the rich or poor. It goes at it’s own pace. You can take full advantage at any time, or it will be squandered. “TIME“, is something you can not ever speed up or slow down.

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Steps In Life
October 2010

Reflecting on the many beloved people we all have lost over the recent months and years. Some famous, others not and even close friends. I can not help to think about my own mortality. Not in a physical sense, more mentally and emotionally. I acknowledge when there is a loss of someone. We lose apart of our self.

Does that mean we stop living the life we wanted before they passed?

After the bereavement and grieving process (which we all do differently, in our own way and time). When will life resume again? Putting life back together with the help and understanding of close friends and family. How is life going to be? Is it going through the preverbal motions? Barely existing, not engaging in what could be so rewarding. Isolating yourself and withdrawing. Not being able to navigate over the obstacle we call the circle of life. When someone passes away? Did you die inside as well? The difference is, you’re still breathing.

Are you hiding behind some type of controlled (or uncontrolled) euphoric substance? So you don’t have to deal with reality? Every time you morn for that person. It’s as if they die all over again. Would you want the same for them if you had passed? What would you want for them? To be and live, be happy, getting as much out of life as possible?

I hear people constantly and consistently say, I would die for that person. I would do anything to save their life, I mean it. I love them, they mean the world to me. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. I’m not questioning your loyalty or feelings towards any one person. My question is this. As much as you would to anything for that person to save their life, even going as far as to die for that person. Yet, why is it so unreasonable, even borderlines obscene wanting to live for that person?

What would you do to honor that person’s memory. Make some kind of contribution to their favorite charity in their name? Do something you have always talked about, but have never done. Keeping just a trinket that reminds you of them? We will continually lose people throughout the rest our life time. What would you want them to do when its your time?

What is your plan of action.

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Posturing
September, 2010

What is it about the ego that makes us boast in front of or about another person? What is it about having a need to mentally look and feel better about ourselves when it comes to certain things? Is our ego this uncontrollable monster we cannot tame or even understand. Like a ring master of a circus with a top hat and dress coat with tails. Thrusting a small chair in one hand and cracking a whip in the other, trying to demonstrate our own power against this uncontainable beast. When and where does it start? At such a young age we don’t know what we are doing. Grabbing at toys with a selfish demeanor to have possession. Making sure we have what someone else doesn’t. Having the satisfaction of knowing we are denying someone else of the very thing we have in our hands. Gossip and spreading rumors in the long run gives the person a sense of ultimate power over another. When they are about to share and having the arrogance of knowing more information than the other person. Even up to the moment they are sharing what they know. Why is it so important to drag someone else through the proverbial mud? When it's not really necessary, providing the information be true or not. We all have an innate feeling of wanting to belong. Having a sense of wanting to be liked. A sense of community. We have learned throughout our childhood. Making fun of, teasing, pointing out others differences their short comings, or mocking. That type of behavior and conduct is socially acceptable. And why is that? The one that is doing the act is emphatically and in theory a superior person. Pointing out flaws in someone. As a lot of people feel, as long as they are not the focus of someone’s mocking. Everything is acceptable, we do not want to rock the boat. We don’t want the attention turned towards them or (us).

On the other hand posturing can be manifested in a different way. Turned inwardly, is a prime example. Feeling sorry for yourself, being depressed, grabbing sympathy from people. Telling a story of how you’ve been wronged or miss treated in some way. Replaying that event over and over so many times verbally plus in your mind, you are reliving the event. Only to affirm how you have become the victim. Having your story be self fulfilling for your own ego. Bringing attention to you and only you. Playing this game does have it's rewards. You feed into the mentality of being the victim, you will always find someone who will comfort you.

I’m not trying trivialize or discounting anything that’s happened in the past. What I’m saying, we all go through all sorts of situations, ranging from disappointment to tragedy. Life is riddled with dissatisfaction or pain. Yet, misery is ultimately a choice. A single event or circumstance does not make us who we become. It is how we come out on the other side that truly counts. Do (or did) we learn from it, can we grow, and more importantly, can we avoid the same situation in the future. When we do things without knowing the outcome? That's plain ignorance. Doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome? That's simple plain lack of common sense. How do we disarm ourselves from sabotaging the future? Understanding we all have baggage, no matter who you are. The difference is what’s inside those bags. Are they filled with tools to help problem solve, making a relationship better, gratifying the other person. Or is it filled with resentment, hate, or ridicule. Having the present person pay for the debt of your past. Ultimately no one wins. Are you carrying over the negative baggage from the last relationship to the current one. How is that going to help your current blossoming relationship.

What people don’t realize is they say they want their partner to be this way or that way. I want my soul mate to have life figured out and/or successful. For him/her to have these certain and specific attributes. The person would be perfect if they had, and the list goes on. What people fail to see or even acknowledge. Are they the type of person someone is looking for? Do I have the very thing they are looking for? Like attracts like. Think about it. Everything you have in your life: good, bad or indifferent. Is because you wanted it. Only a certain amount of people are going to understand or be able to accept that thought.

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Inoculation
May, 2010

I would like to talk about the power of one! Witnessing how influential one person can be. When you do things only for yourself. Your ambition dies with you. When you do things for others and the world? Your passion, energy and effort lives on. It’s not talking about being a super hero, or even larger than life. It can be simple acts of kindness. Saying hello. How are you today? Having a genuine curiousness about that person. Mean what you say, yet beauthentic. People can see your true enthusiasm and joy for life. It can be infectious in so many positive ways. The greatest gift(s) you can ever give someone? Paying attention to them, listening to what they have to say with your complete and undivided attention. That is huge for someone that is not use to it. Acknowledging someone can be life changing. Being a friend. Being the type of friend you want to have. You need to become that friend first. Like attracts like. How many people really do that nowadays? Encouraging someone doesn’t take a great (special) talent or even a PhD. in communication. Merely, telling them they look nice. Authentic compliments are always deeply appreciated.

People say, well I did everything myself. No one helped me. I pulled myself up by my own boot straps. That may be true? Yet, who gave you those boot straps? I believe one hand washing the other. Think of how we stand on the shoulders of the people who came before us. How easy or loud is it to clap with one hand? It can be done, but not very effective. Getting back to basics. We are all so busy and rushed. Its more difficult into today's fast paced, got to have it now, instant gradification, immediate results to really slow down to talk and get to know someone or even each other. People have no idea how they can affect someone’s day or even life. Taking the time to talk and getting to know them even a little. Or having them getting to know you. Other people do not benefit when we are selfish!

Think of all the great men and women of history. What would the world be like if they didn’t express or advocate their conviction and passions. If they had just kept their ideologies to themselves. For example: Martin Luther King, Thomas Edison, Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Malcolm X, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, and the list goes on. My best illustration from both sides comes from Dr. Charles Drew. Who died April 1, 1950. Suffering a major car accident, losing lots of blood. Needing a blood transfusion. He was rushed to the nearest hospital. He was refused treatment, for whites only. He was instructed to be taken to a hospital across town for negros. The efforts were in vain. He passed away before reaching the other hospital. Dr. Charles Drew was a pioneering research in blood plasma preservation. He developed a way to separate blood so it can be stored longer and save more lives. Plus the creator of the first blood bank. He created the very thing that would have saved his own life.
How Ironic.
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The Tree Of Life
January, 2010

As the universe is spear heading into the next decade, and beyond. One thing comes to the forefront of my mind. Are we any better for it? Is everyone doing their part to make this world a better place to live for the future generations? In my opinion, there is a catastrophic and detrimental mindset keeping people segregated when there is no need. Yes, I acknowledge when others are in serious life threatening need? People are there to answer the call. Yet, I am not talking about that. This reminds of me of a story I heard sometime ago.

You're walking in a wheat field. The stocks are only about knee high. As you come to the edge of the field, you notice a small little hill. It's only high enough that you can see the other side. As you approach, you see a beautiful tree. A thick trunk with greenest leaves on the branches. As you get closer, you see there is more than adequate shade to rest. Getting ready to sit down, you notice part of the tree is dead, and starting to effect the rest of the tree.

What would you do, if given the chance? Would you simply rest ignoring it, then keep walking? Would you say, (shrugging your shoulders) it’s not my problem? Or would you try to fix and/or save the tree? Would you just cut off the dead section(s) to fix the problem? Some would (say yes and), that’s the end of that, then keep walking. Or would you take the time to investigate why the tree is dying. Checking around the base of the trunk, the roots, and surrounding soil. To examine where the problem stems from. Use past experiences good, bad, or indifferent to your advantage. They're the compass for the future. If we do not learn from our own action, reaction, and behavior? What better teacher is life? You can only finger point at others for so long, blaming people for your (failures or) disappointments. When is the responsibility and control going to be yours? Becoming the active participant, cultivating, and nurturing. Becoming the director of the life you want to live. People can point, direct, suggest, guide, and even be the cheerleader you need for them to be in your life. When everything is said and done? It is still you having to do the work. Seeking out your options for whatever lifestyle your craving. The walking in the field is our journey in life and the tree is the symbol of (who we are or) our life. The dead branches are the problems we have, which will only delay our true potential of growing . If we just simply cut the dead branches off. Yes, the problem (or symptom) will be taken care (or gone) temporarily. Yet, ultimately the problem(s) will rematerialize in one way or another. Getting down to the root level, taking care of the difficult and challenging issues once and for all. It’s not only benefiting you for the present and far into the future. You’re setting the stage for the people around you. As you start to set free the unnecessary baggage that’s been restraining you. Dealing with your difficulties, and putting in the work. Only then can you imagine life without all the doubts and/or obstacles? You will not only prosper? You allow yourself to flourish, blossom, and accomplish in a wide-range of results. No matter who you have in your life? Friends, family, co-works, and even acquaintances. You are a living, breathing role model for the people around you. You teach people how you live your life and how you want to be treated. Keep in mind, you are the only common denominator in every situation, and circumstance. Your not the only one living with your choices, decisions, and consequences.

What kind of lifestyle are you showing people?